What I Learned My Freshman Year


What I Learned My Freshman Year
By A Student One Year Wiser

It’s hard to believe but it’s finally here: the final issue of the Martini for the year. And I think it fitting that, for a publication full of random crap, I list for you here the top 20 random, yet highly useful, observations that I have made here in my first year at HWS (and if you’re a bit slow and haven’t caught on to these yet, take them into consideration for next year): Continue reading

Numbers Don’t Lie–Except When They Do


Numbers Don’t Lie – Except When They Do
Emma lowenberg

In class today my Political Science professor told an interesting story. He did his undergrad degree at UC Chapel Hill, and, like many students, toured the campus first. During the tour, the guide (as all college tour guides do) listed some impressive statistics including this gem: the average starting salary for graduates from the geography department was $1,000,000. Sound extraordinary? Of Continue reading

Registration Hell


Registration Hell
Ashley Yang

6:58. I sit slouched over my desk, my laptop screen glimmering demonically in the pre-sunrise gloom, my eyes reduced to tiny slits from its neon glare. Around me, the building holds its breath, half its residents slumbering peacefully while the other half keep anxious vigil at their own computers. Continue reading

Guess that Professor’s Quote!


“There are schizophrenic things that come out of people’s mouths.”

“I hear they have a lot of nice soups in North Korea, and casseroles. Because it’s so damn cold.”

“They have male joints and female joints, and you just stick them together” Continue reading

Big Sports Oopsie


Article By: T.W. Sag

Who has to know? Well, all things considering – including the fact that this is a campus-wide publication – probably the entire Colleges community. Know what, exactly?

The Hobart College football and lacrosse programs have been put on three years probation by the NCAA Continue reading

Suffering Bastard


Ingredients: 1 oz. gin, 1 oz. brandy, squeezes of lime, half a chilled ginger beer.

Description: Shake everything with icicles and strain with your Nalgene bottle into plastic Halloween cups. Continue reading

Oh Land: Fauna☆☆☆☆


Article by: Khalym Burke-Thomas

Every once in a while you come across an artist or a band and wonder where they‘ve been all your life. An artist who encompasses all it is you look for in music while, at the same time, presents that music in a wholly new and refreshing light. Continue reading

Horoscopes Week of Feb 23


Aries: Course we’re not trying to tell you anything but really…we are.

Aquarius: You’re worse at interpreting the signs than martini mystic, and she makes this shit up all the time. Continue reading

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